Trust me, had I known that I possessed the ability to merely write something in my blog and have it come true, I would not have confined my ramblings to something as pedestrian as the Red Sox offense or the thin bullpen. Instead, there surely would have been a blurb in this space about Iran's nuclear program, or a bloodless end to the war in Iraq, or making a scientist inventing a diet where consuming pasta and ice cream for every meal would be healthy beyond reason. Certainly some mention of the lottery would have appeared.
Alas, I was unaware of my power until last night. Imagine my shock as the Red Sox addressed every note of caution I pondered yesterday. We need to score more runs? Okay, little man, here's a seven-spot in the third inning. Run differential not big enough? No problem, we'll double our season total in one night. Thin bullpen, eh? How about scoreless innings from three different relievers. Low strikeout rate? Bam, we'll drop a neat dozen K's on the Devil Rays. Since I have serious doubts that the Red Sox read my blog, I can only assume that some unseen force was at play, systematically negating everything I wrote.
But now I have a problem. Was this a one-time thing, or have I had this power all along and simply not noticed it until a truly stark example of it presented itself? Does the phrasing matter? Is there some special sequence of words that I need to include before this power kicks in? Is this power limited to just the Red Sox, or does it apply to baseball in general and other, broader topics of import in this crazy world? I simply don't know, leaving me to wonder if I can ever replicate the magic of yesterday's events.
I'm willing to give it a shot though. Maybe it won't ever happen again, but I feel it's my civic duty to exercise this newfound gift for the greater good if at all possible. On that note:
- A home run by Manny tonight would be a nice pick-me-up, a sign that he's found his stroke again.
- A repeat of his recent strong performances by Tim Wakefield, keeping the streak of the rotation's quality starts going, would make me happy.
- How about an early return from the DL for Coco Crisp?
- Jim Rice sure does belong in the Hall of Fame, doesn't he?
- Really, the whole Iraq thing? That's got to end.
- Gas prices need to drop by about a buck a gallon. I won't be greedy here, oil companies can make their profits and keep their investors happy. But $2.89 a gallon? Come on, be reasonable.
- World peace would be pretty cool, wouldn't it? And an end to famine. Hey, why not.
Let's see how that goes for starters. If some of this stuff works, maybe I'll open a hotline, start taking some requests. Who am I to hoard a gift that could help so many?
Oh yeah, one last thing. In the morning, when I wake up, it sure would be a pleasant surprise to be fifty pounds lighter and six inches taller.